feel like I always have these kinds of days. The kind where getting out of bed doesn’t feel like an option. The kind where the last thing I want to do is eat. The kind where my head hurts so much because of all of my thoughts. The kind where all I can do is stare blankly into space while my mind is drifting into an oblivion. These are the kind of days that have taken up all of my time. It has gotten to the point where music is the only thing that can distract me. I just lay on my bed and stare up at the ceiling with my headphones on and the volume all the way up, letting the lyrics cloud up my mind.
My caretaker usually brings me food up if she’s home and I sometimes nibble on it. The caretaker is the closest thing I’ve had to a human interaction since my father had passed away when I was eight. Most of the time I’m alone. The caretaker works every day from eight-thirty to ten except she has days off on Thursdays. I’ve never been good at talking to new people. I know everyone thinks I’m just like an average teenager who’s obsessed with the internet and I don't know how to deal with the real world because I stay inside listening to music too loud, I’ll probably end up dead. Because believe me, I get that a lot.
Here is one of those moments where my focus on my white ceiling gets averted to the windows. I have a perfect view of a moving truck backing up into the driveway of the house that is next to us. A girl stepped into the room right across from mine, not just any girl. Rochelle Alfonso. Although she likes to go the name rocky. She had perfectly tan skin credited to her Italian background. Wild green eyes. High-defined cheekbones, a slender body and messy hair that somehow manages to look so perfect. I’ve always envied her confidence and the amount of elegance she possesses while being so reckless at the same time. We’ve been in the same school for five years. She’s always been loud, free and wild whereas I’ve always been a studious, lonely person with very low self-esteem.
I stand in the window with my nose pressed up against the glass like a child looking in at a candy store. Just as that thought left my mind, as if she heard it, she spontaneously turned around and looked right at me. She lifted her hand and gave me a small wave. I felt my heart leap and my body go with it as I jumped and squeaked in mid-air and darted away from the window.